Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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