the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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