I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
