He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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