We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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