i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
