why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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