Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
