that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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