I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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