im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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