I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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