So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
