ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
