Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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