I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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