absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
