My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
