oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
