Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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