I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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