Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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