Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
