you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
