did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
