The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
