If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
