i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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