Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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