dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
