Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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