Can i not drive my cunt home
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I still have a little drunk in my system
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
