I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
