Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
