I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
