her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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