she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm really busy with my period
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