dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
worst night to have a conscience
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
