I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
