He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
