This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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