i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
