You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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