thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
