Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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