i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
