i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
