i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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