"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
