Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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