so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
