No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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